Alcohol Didn’t Ruin My Life, But It Did Diminish It; So I Walked Away Again.
Four years sober, One year drinking, and a clear realization: Alcohol adds nothing but noise, and I’m done pretending it’s harmless.
On July 7, 2020, I stopped drinking.
Cold turkey; No rehab, no 12-step program, and no sponsor.
Just me, a long and honest look in the mirror, and the undeniable truth that alcohol had owned too much of my life.
It was two decades of blackout nights, benders, and broken promises.
But on that day, I drew a line.
And for the next four years, I didn’t touch a drop.
Those years were some of the clearest, strongest, and most productive years of my life.
I rebuilt my health, showed up for my family, sharpened my mind, made a ton of money, moved my family down to North Carolina from Rhode Island, and created more than I ever had while drinking.
But then, on July 3, 2024, I made a decision: I drank again.
I learned that the pain which drove me to use alcohol as an anaesthetic was gone, and I was no longer a slave to the liquid.
From that day on, there was no rock bottom, no wild relapse, and no unraveling of who I was as a man; it was just a drink, then a few more over time, and eventually, a point where it was something I enjoyed.
And for a while, I did.
I wasn’t getting drunk or spiraling, but there was something different, and I realized what it was after a year of drinking like a “normal person” (don’t get me started on that topic).
Sleep got worse.
Workouts got skipped.
And this is the important one: The only time I ever questioned myself, doubted my ability to carry on, or felt like I wasn’t good enough in any way was the morning after I’d had a drink.
It wasn’t catastrophic.
But it was consistent.
And if you’ve ever done any real work on yourself, mental, physical, or spiritual, then you know how dangerous these “small compromises” on your integrity can be.
They don’t wreck your life all at once.
They erode your edge one inch at a time.
The Choice to Return
On July 6, 2025, I made another decision.
I poured my last drink with my wife and let her know I was done.
And on July 7, 2025, exactly five years to the day since I first went sober after 2 decades of addiction, I dropped alcohol again.
Not because I had to, but because I wanted to.
I refuse to live at 70%, it has to be all-in, I’ve got too much going on and too many people counting on me for me to be anything less than my best self, for me as much as my goals and my people.
This Isn’t a Confession, It’s a Reminder
I’m not ashamed that I drank again; I don’t give a fuck about the streak being broken or anything like that, I’m living my life and sharing the journey, good and lessons learned along the way.
This isn’t some emotional tell-all where I ask for forgiveness or pity, I’m good.
I’m sharing this because I know for a fact there are people reading this who feel the same shift I felt, the quiet voice in your gut that says, “This thing (Alcohol, Drugs, Food, Porn, Nicotine) is holding you back.”
You know it’s dulling your edge.
You know it’s stealing from your relationships, your bank account, your body, and your mind, and you’re afraid that stopping means starting over.
I’m telling you, starting over is the most intelligent thing you can do; people are supposed to change, so too are their habits, and mindsets.
You don’t have to crash and lose everything before you make a major change in your life; you just have to care enough about your life to stop bleeding out slowly.
If This Hits You, Take The Walk With Me
I’ve created a private Telegram group called 365 Days of Sobriety; it’s a space for adults who are tired of pretending that hyper-control and moderation are working.
It’s not a support group, it’s not therapy, and it’s not something you must check into daily; it’s a space for people who want to reclaim their discipline and their power.
I used to charge $365 for lifetime access, and I have since seen an error in that mindset. Sobriety is something people need help with, and I am not going to charge for the group ever again. I’ve set it to a “Pay what you want” status, which means you can get in paying exactly $0, and I am cool with that.
I just want to provide a space where I can help others dealing with addiction that isn’t as public as X or Facebook.
If you’re done bargaining with your vice and ready to hold yourself to a higher standard, join me:
👉 365 Days of Sobriety – Click Here to Join
That’s it - One decision - One step.
I didn’t relapse…
I tested the waters.
And I realized alcohol still has nothing for me.
It didn’t ruin my life, but it sure as hell diminished it.
And I don’t want to be diminished in any way, so I walked away, again…
I’m now walking forward with purpose and leaving the bottle behind for good.
- Zac Small