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Fatherhood & Stoicism: Become an Example of a Healthy Marriage for Your Children
Your children are watching how to maintain a marriage through your example.
Fathers play a crucial role in shaping their children's lives.
Creating a lasting and mutually healthy bond in marriage provides a positive example of a fulfilling relationship for children. In this piece, we’ll explore how modern-day fathers can utilize the ancient principles of stoicism to improve the standard of their marriage and establish a stronger foundation of what “Love” looks like for kids to observe.
Stoicism emphasizes the importance of emotional resilience and self-control. By adopting stoic principles, fathers can learn to navigate the highs and lows of married life without being overly reactive to negative emotions. This emotional stability fosters a calm and supportive environment that enables effective communication and problem-solving within the marital relationship. To look at this from the lens of the child’s eye, it’s clear that sons will learn how to love a woman and what to look for in a woman from the example they are most frequently and earliest exposed to, the example set by their father.
Daughters, too, are watching Dad as they are also being imprinted upon by the example set by their father to what a woman should look for in a man and how to know if the man is treating her right.
Stoicism encourages taking ownership of one's actions and being accountable for the choices made. Applying these principles of self-ownership helps fathers develop a deeper sense of responsibility toward their marriage and family life. By recognizing and rectifying mistakes or shortcomings, fathers can build trust, display vulnerability, and promote an atmosphere of open dialogue and growth within their marriage.
You are your life’s problem; you are your life’s solution.
Stoicism emphasizes the cultivation of virtues such as honesty, compassion, and patience. By embodying these qualities, fathers can foster an environment of love, understanding, and respect within their marriage, demonstrating the application of these virtues in a person. Showing virtuous actions strengthens the bond with a spouse and sets a positive example for children, instilling in them the values necessary for healthy and fulfilling relationships in the future.
How can a child learn how a man should handle conflict with a woman if the child never sees a man handle conflict with his wife?
How can children understand that adults don’t always get it right if they never see their parents reconciling and forgiving one another for issues experienced?
How can any son or daughter find the right person for them if they never see what “right” looks like in the form of a healthy marriage?
Stoicism places great importance on being present in the moment and finding contentment in one's current circumstances. Fathers can adopt practices such as mindfulness and distraction-free immersion in the moment to better appreciate their marriage's small joys and aspects. Fathers who demonstrate gratitude and reinforce the foundation of their marital bond by expressing genuine appreciation for their spouse's efforts and acknowledging the positives in their relationship are showing their children through action, not recommendations on how they can do the same.
Marriage is about lifelong learning and personal growth.
Fathers can apply this principle by focusing on self-improvement within the context of their marriage. Engaging in self-reflection and seeking opportunities for growth benefits fathers individually and positively impacts the dynamics of their relationship.
By fostering personal growth, fathers become better partners and role models for their children, inspiring them to pursue their own development in all aspects of life.
5 Actions to Improve The Example You Set in Marriage
Start taking your health seriously: You have to show your children that married men prioritize their health as the best gift to be given to a family is the most healthy and longest-lasting self. My recommendation would be to connect with Anthony Knobbe for a program.
Treat your wife like a woman: Flirting, fun, charm, and laughter should be the norm every single day. Men who’ve taken the farts, becoming an extra child, immature, with no care towards personal hygiene or appearance, show their children that once a man marries, he stops working to keep his love attracted.
Emotional Control for the Win: This is a piece about stoicism; men throwing temper tantrums are not good sources of what a man should be. Men do neither lose their cool under pressure nor do they use their physical stature as a means to control their spouse.
Share Your “Self”: Too few men share their wins and losses with their kids, resulting in children who don’t really know their father as a man. It’s important you talk to your sons and daughters about why you are the way you are and why you love your wife the way you do.
Let Them See Love: It’s okay to flirt, kiss, poke, squeeze, and love your wife in front of the kids. There is no “honeymoon phase”, as your entire marriage should be you and your spouse living and loving each other every day. Show your children that romance and joy do not atrophy in long-term monogamy.
All fathers have a tremendous opportunity to improve their marriages and set an exemplary standard of a healthy relationship for their children through the application of stoicism.
By cultivating emotional resilience, embracing responsibility, practicing virtuous actions, prioritizing mindfulness and gratitude, and nurturing personal growth, fathers can forge a stronger bond with their spouse, thus creating a harmonious environment that fosters love, respect, and growth.
Remember, a fulfilling marriage benefits the couple and provides children with a positive template for their future relationships.
- Zachary Small