How to Talk to Your Kids About Your Childhood Trauma
Learn how to share your past trauma with your children to help them understand who you are
Life isn’t always smooth.
We all have pasts; for some, those pasts are filled with moments that shaped them in ways that are still being unpacked.
As a parent, you may carry wounds from your childhood—loss, abuse, addiction, struggles you’ve fought hard to overcome…
While it might feel easier to keep those things locked away, there comes a time when sharing your story with your children can bring clarity, connection, and healing.
Talking to your kids about the trauma you experienced as a child isn’t about burdening them with your pain. It’s about helping them understand why you parent the way you do, why you react to certain things the way you do, and—most importantly—showing them that resilience is possible.
Below, you will read about how to approach that conversation in a way that builds trust and understanding…
Be Honest, But Age-Appropriate
Your story matters, but how you tell it should depend on your child’s age and maturity level. Kids don’t need to hear every detail of your past, but they do need to understand the bigger picture.
For example:
Young children (6-10): Keep things simple. If you struggled with loss, you might say, “When I was little, my mom passed away, and that made me very sad. It’s one of the reasons I want to be here for you as much as possible.”
Pre-Teens (11-13): They’re starting to understand emotions more deeply. You can share a little more, like, “When I was your age, I went through something really difficult with a family member. It made me feel unsafe, and that’s why I want you to always know you can talk to me about anything.”
Teenagers (14+): At this stage, kids appreciate honesty and real conversations. You might say, “I had to deal with addiction because I was trying to numb pain from my past. It took me time to work through it, but I want you to know that no matter what happens in life, there’s always a way forward.”
The key is to share just enough for them to understand why certain things affect you the way they do—without overwhelming them.
Be Intentional with the Conversation
Timing and setting matter.
This isn’t a conversation to have in passing or when emotions are running high. Pick a time when you and your child can talk openly without distractions. Maybe it’s a quiet moment before bed, a car ride, or a relaxed weekend afternoon.
When you start the conversation:
Speak calmly and openly
Make eye contact and listen as much as you talk
Allow space for questions
Let them guide the conversation.
They may not respond right away, and that’s okay; they will need to process all of this information bit by bit.
Help Them Connect the Dots Without Making Excuses
One of the biggest reasons to share your past is to help your kids understand why you are the way you are. Maybe you struggle with anxiety, have a hard time trusting people, or get triggered to anger in certain situations. Your child may have noticed these things without ever understanding why.
This is your chance to connect the dots for them—without justifying unhealthy behaviors.
“I get anxious when I don’t know where you are because when I was little, I didn’t always feel safe. It’s something I’m working on, but I want you to know it’s not about me not trusting you—it’s about my past.”
“Sometimes I shut down when I’m stressed. It’s because I grew up in a home where I didn’t feel like my opinion mattered. I don’t want that for us. I want you to always feel respected when sharing with me.”
This kind of honesty not only helps your child understand you better but also teaches them how trauma can shape people—and how healing is a lifelong process.
Encourage Questions and Be Ready to Revisit the Topic
Your child might not have much to say right away…
They might also come back at you immediately or even days/weeks later with all of the questions. Both are normal, so let them know they can always ask.
Some questions they might have:
“Did you ever get help for what happened to you?”
“How did you get through it?”
“Do you still feel sad or scared sometimes?”
Answer as honestly as you can while keeping their emotional well-being in mind. If you don’t know how to respond, it’s okay to say, “That’s a really good question. Let me think about it so I can answer best for you.”
And remember—this isn’t a one-time conversation.
As they grow, their understanding of your story will deepen, and you may find yourself revisiting the topic with new layers of honesty.
Show Them What Healing Looks Like
Your story isn’t just about trauma—it’s about resilience.
Your child needs to see that while your past shaped you, it doesn’t define you. Talk about the steps you’ve taken to heal:
Therapy
Support groups
The Books You’ve Read
Healthy coping mechanisms
Faith or Mindfulness practices
Let them see that no matter how hard life gets, there’s always a way forward.
If they ever struggle with their own hardships, your openness will remind them that they don’t have to face it alone.
Getting help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength. It shows your child that healing is a process and that it’s okay to ask for support when needed.
Building a Stronger Bond Through Honest Conversations
Sharing your past trauma with your children isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most meaningful things you can do. It helps them understand who you are, strengthens your relationship, and teaches them that vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s a path to healing.
By opening up, you show them that life comes with challenges, but it’s possible to move forward with love, resilience, and hope.
And at the end of the day, that’s one of the greatest lessons you can pass down.
- Zac Small
