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Is Your Wife Just "Playing a Role"?
BE the Man, Don't **Act** Like Him
On a recent call with the men inside FoE, we discussed how many who’ve improved their marriages started by improving themselves.
This “self-work” is evident when everyday situations arise, where a man sees how he responds, then thinks of how his old self would have answered, and it’s often night and day.
Some of the examples shared were:
If she said no to something I wanted to do in the bedroom, I’d get lost in my head or start to beat myself up.
If she did not respond to a question with the exact words needed, I’d be frustrated or disappointed, which would change my mood.
If she did not do exactly what I expected her to do when I was not around, I’d yell or be upset.
This got me thinking: How many men have scripts they’ve written for their woman without ever telling her?
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In a marriage, two people are growing up together and in that process, one may mature and evolve at a faster rate than the other. For many of the men I’ve coached and worked alongside, their exposure to my message has put them in the accelerated growth lane. This change is noticed by their wife, and it is in that understanding of development that the wife will look to find her place in this new personality and routine that’s been created.
This puts your wife in a precarious position of deciding between trusting you’ve changed, and being at risk for your collapse when it’s a false display of increased masculinity, or fighting against it at the risk of compromising your commitment or causing serious conflict.
Most wives are on board with their men being inside FoE, some are hesitant and those are always products of poor communication between the husband and wife.
Most wives are supportive of their husband’s change for the better, especially when they are getting the benefits damn near immediately.
Most wives want their husbands to win, and will choose to go into that vulnerable position where the rug can be pulled…
Now, as you begin to change, it coincides with your awareness of having a reason to change. You may have learned that your wife is still a woman, and your comfort around her has led to complacency in the attractive behaviors department, or you may see the need to fill the role as a leader for your family, and with that understanding comes the observation of how your wife likes a man who can take charge.
Regardless of how you came across the ability to see real life for what it is, you can never un-see it.
Knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, does not manifest one.
The desire that your wife should be supportive, and say/think/act a certain way because that’s how women speak/think/act around men they are attracted to cannot become the model of silent expectations placed upon her shoulders. your wife cannot read from a script you never shared with her; you are expecting perfection from a person, and it’s in the process, not the product that true growth and deeper connections are found.
Let your wife love you, and respect you the way she is meant to, not the way a robot-redpill-AI-girlfriend would.
If you want more respect, talk to her about what that looks like.
If you want her to change certain behaviors, address them with her.
If you have preferences for engagement, communication, etc. you need to be confident enough in yourself to lead her to the understanding of how she can find herself in the mold you’ve created for her in your life.
Your growth as a man is a great thing, go all the way in with it, and allow yourself to enjoy a real relationship, and not expect one that could be generated by CHAT-GPT.
Don’t be the guy who wants his wife to act like “Ms. Priss”, and do all the submissive, perfectly worded, 100% compliant, zero pushback, garbage you see promoted by individuals who cannot provide a receipt of having lived a life with a relationship like that. Women are also human beings, they have their own way of operating, and you need to learn how to speak that language, and get it to want to follow you to the ends of the world. That inspiration will take you further than any faux-dominance displayed with the expectation she gets it right every time, and punishing her when she doesn’t.
How can you expect your wife to ever be her most beautiful feminine self when she is constantly being evaluated, to the literal words she says in every moment?
Real life is messier, higher + lower, and then sweeter + deeper than anything you could create in your mind. so get out of your head and stop thinking your wife should fit the script you’ve secretly written; instead, go out and create a beautiful movie reel together.
If you want to further break this down, or to work with me on your marriage you can get a month of direct access for less than $100 by becoming a member of the Fraternity of Excellence.
- Zachary Small