In July 2021, I had a near-death experience (NDE), and I'm in a spot where I'd like to talk about it.
In fact, I've been reading Bruce Greyson's book After because I've caught myself reflecting on this event and figured if my mind keeps returning to it, I should explore the subject further.
I've learned that these intense and life-altering experiences leave individuals with a newfound appreciation for their existence; it makes sense that facing death would bring a unique awareness and clarity to the mind. The more I read, the more I realize how many others have experienced events like the one I had and how little we know about the way it works and what it means.

We’re all going to be tested, but the rewards of life are for those who continue to push forward.
I've had more "close calls" than your average Joe; due to luck, quick thinking, preparation, and a strong "Why," I've been fortunate enough to leave with nothing more than a "Well, that was close...". In each of these situations, there were moments of intensity, carnage, and heightened awareness, but nothing I would put into the category of an NDE.
Until this car accident...
The Crash & NDE
On July 14, 2021, I had to go to the ER because my appendix was going to burst; I had the surgery, and they sent me on my way home.
July 15: I'm on the road from RI to TN for a FoE Retreat
I cross the border into Tennessee and find myself in dead-stop traffic.
I'm in the fast lane all the way to the left, and the middle and right lanes are wide open, with cars flying by me. It's not a big deal, as I'd left early enough and wasn't in a rush, so I figured I'd sit tight until we were moving again.
I'm sitting there, tapping my steering wheel to the music, when I look up to my rearview and notice an SUV come flying around the corner. I see that the driver is looking at her phone, and I immediately realize that she has no idea that the cars in front of her have stopped—I was right.
She hits me without ever looking up, SUV full speed into my F-150.
The force of the impact slammed my truck, and I was launched into the guard rail to my left, which ricocheted the truck in the middle of the road. Through the passenger window, I saw one of those giant environmental trucks speeding my way. Then I heard the screaming brakes, followed by nothing...
The next moment everything was dark, and I was looking at the face of my daughter, but not like she was there in person, but rather as if I were sitting in a theater and the projector was showing just her face.
She looked at me and smiled the kind of smile that lights up her whole face
Next, my son's face appeared. He was so happy; he looked up, gave me the biggest smile, and nodded his head.
Then came my wife, and she looked at me with her big, beautiful eyes, and her smile was radiant; it made my chest feel something so pure we do not have words to describe it.
After my wife, everything went black, and I was in nothingness until slowly, I could smell steam and smoke, I could the hear volume of the world increasing, and I was able to open my eyes and saw the white truck not too far from where I was, and where it would have T-Boned me...
I realized I was not dead, which was cool, so I snapped back into action, turned the truck off, and then went to check on the driver who hit me. She was okay, and after a quick triage, I helped her from her car because I was afraid the fluids everywhere may catch fire, and then gave her a huge hug, letting her know that I was okay and that she was okay.
I noticed she was favoring her leg, so I had her sit on the guardrail. Then, I went to pick up all the pieces of our cars that were scattered so others could pass.
Cops, Rescuers, Etc., came by, and I told them what happened, cracked a few jokes, and then was picked up by a few FoE men. The next day, I went whitewater rafting, and the tour guide there told us he'd never flipped a boat— well, my boat flipped, and so that was fun.
Reflections
That was an intense weekend, and I moved on quickly from it because that's how I handle things, but the experience stuck with me. I don't know if I passed out, went unconscious, or what - but I don't think I did because of the intensity of what I experienced.
I believe my family was saying goodbye and letting me know I'd done alright by them.
I didn't levitate above my body, see God, or speak to dead relatives like some have, but that "room" where I was shown my family was very real, and I have no idea how much time had passed in the real world, but I was there for a while.
Lessons
What may seem like a traumatic and terrifying event to some turned into a powerful affirmation for me. I realized that I have my family's love and support, and these are my greatest treasures.
I accepted death without fear or regret because I knew I'd made the most of my time on earth. It reaffirmed my belief that life is about relationships, and so long as I give my all to my loved ones, as imperfect as I may be, at the end of the day, I will have given my all and done my best, so when the run is over, I can leave with my head held high.
In the aftermath of the accident, I've not dwelt on the "what ifs" or the near miss; I embraced life with continued vigor.
I even gave a speech to the men at the FoE retreat, in which I told them that what happened to me was nothing but a reminder to us all that we do not know when our time will come, so we need to say and do what needs to be said and done before it's forever incomplete.
Memento Mori is not just about you doing everything you want to do before you die; it's also about those left behind.
Did you tell the people you love how much they mean?
Have you let the grudges go to where the person knows you've either forgiven them or that you never will?
Are your people going to wonder if you were proud of them or what you wanted for them?
Don't let these questions linger; answer them before you can't.
I did not have a spiritual awakening because I was already living a spiritual life; My soul was wide awake, and this event confirmed I was on the right path.
While there is much debate over the science and validity of near-death experiences, they cannot be disregarded as simply hallucinations or a trick of the mind; this experience was something more than that...
Know that when you live with truth and integrity, even in the face of death, there can be beauty and a sense of peace. It's a reminder to all of us to embrace life with open arms and to appreciate the time we have with our loved ones.
- Zac Small
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