The Spark Is Earned, Not Found
Three daily choices that turn a man from “existing” into leading
Most men don’t lose themselves in one dramatic collapse;
They leak their masculine edge in small, quiet drops of surrender to comfort and political correctness…
Men stop flirting because they’re “tired.”
They stop training because they’re “busy.”
They stop doing the things that make them feel dangerous and alive because they tell themselves it’s selfish…
And thus begins the transition from owning life to entering a loop of work, bills, responsibilities, repeat. This cycle is treated as an inevitability of growing older, as if a man’s soul slowly going numb is “normal.”
Then one day, those men will look up and realize that they’re alive, but they’re not living.
That’s not the wife’s fault, the boss’s fault, or “just how life is now"; that is a self-leadership problem, which isn’t entirely on your shoulders. You see, the men in previous generations set the stage for the pussification of society, which we are currently dealing with.
We have to find a way to salvage our testosterone and masculinity while not going full Rambo on everyone caught in the loop.
The spark in your soul isn’t mystical, and it’s not something you either have or don’t; it’s a practiced posture that has you operating on a different frequency than the “normies”.
It’s the daily decision to stay awake and on fire inside your life, your marriage, with your interests, in your own body, and the world around you.
Here within The Daily Draft Newsletter, I have made the effort to provide insights that, when applied, will lead to tangible and intangible changes in your life, which are hopefully for the better; but results are not guaranteed as “waking up” sometimes requires you to blow things up(figuratively) and here’s one of those insights you need to hang up on the walls of your mind:
A man doesn’t “find himself,” he builds himself, on purpose, every day.
Here are three ways men can keep the spark burning without needing a sports car, a personality transplant, finding a new woman, or anyone's permission…
1) Keep Your Marriage Flirtatious, Magnetic, and Alive
Most modern men treat marriage as if the desire is supposed to die out.
Wives become roommates, the schedule dictates events, and your lover becomes a co-manager of balancing tiny humans.
Do you ever wonder why you feel disconnected, why you’re numb, why you’re secretly hungry for something or someone else..?
Attraction isn’t a phase;
It’s a language, and your marriage wasn’t the finish line where you finally “got the girl”; it’s the starting point to where you masterfully lead the woman through the rest of your life.
Marriage is the starting point to building a lifetime of attraction, lust, and “Us vs the World” attitude.
Like any language, attraction dies when it’s never spoken.
Take flirting for example: Flirting isn’t immature, it’s oxygen.
As a man, are you looking across the room at your woman with a gaze that says, I still choose you.
When you walk by her, do you smack her butt like a teen, or do you grab her ass like a man, have her look you in the eyes, and give her a deep kiss?
Do you ever send that text that has nothing to do with groceries, calendars, or “what are we doing this weekend?”, the text that is more of a sext than anything to do with logistics? The one that makes her stomach flip, and hides her phone so nobody else sees it?
When is the last time you made the deliberate decision to make her feel wanted, not as a chore to kiss you, not as a duty sex to satisfy you, but as a man who’s still awake to the fact that he gets to be with her, and makes her aware that she is as much a piece of meat he is hungry for, as a wife and mother who is appreciated?
To the prudes reading, yes, lust belongs in marriage; it’s one of the pillars to a lifetime of satisfaction.
Attraction, Lust, and Sex aren’t meant to have pressure on them, be viewed as a sense of entitlement, or come across as some weak demand for validation…
That vibe between a man and his woman is about energy, fun, “the chase”, presence, and primal connection.
You show me a man who says he doesn’t care about sex, I’ll show you a liar (at best) or porn addict/cheater (at worst).
Men are sexual creatures, and the only ones who don’t care about that connection with their wives are those who find it electronically in porn or via affairs where their needs are met by other women.
This is why you need to be locked in and own who you are as a man, and not drift as some “has been” burnout.
Women don’t fall in love with a man who’s physically in the room but mentally checked out; she responds to the man who sees her and isn’t afraid to openly show his raw desire for her.
The man who maintains lust for his wife is the man who leads the moment and brings heat and receives passion without ever begging for it.
Humor and Laugher play a huge role in this.
Couples who laugh together love each other more; I don’t have the science to back it, but I am a funny dude,e and I have helped other men bring joy back to their marriage with success, and the response is always a stronger bond.
Humor breaks the cycle of professional and formal interactions with your woman; it keeps the romance from turning into a business meeting.
Humor keeps your marriage human, and not an agreement falling within the operating standards set by a broken society.
If you want the spark in your life, don’t let the spark in your marriage die first; be the man who initiates the playfulness if for no other reason than you refuse to live in a loveless, passionless fog when you could be building something on fire with another person who is equally alive and chasing all that life has to offer.
2) Keep Your Hobbies Free From the Cage of Other People’s Opinions
There’s a certain kind of death that happens in men when they stop doing what they love because it makes other people uncomfortable.
The cage sounds like:
“Grow up.”
“Must be nice.”
“Midlife crisis?”
“You’re too old for that.”
“Why are you wasting money on that?”
And too many men obey those voices like they’re the law.
Break that fucking cage and make people uncomfortable; your growth will only look like chaos to the people who’ve surrendered their passions.
When a man picks up a new hobby, trains again, learns a skill, builds something, travels, upgrades his tools, gets obsessed with improvement…
