Support Your Kids, Stop Living Through Them

Your job is to lead them, not leech off them.

I’ve got two incredible kids.

My son, Koda, and my daughter, Ava, are both driven, unique, and full of potential.

I love watching them chase their dreams, whether it’s in sports, academics, art, or whatever else lights that fire inside them, and my wife Jackie and I are there every step of the way:

• Not as critics.

• Not as managers.

• Not as agents.

As parents, that’s where the line is drawn.

Reading the story about Nico Iamaleava’s father and the $8 million NIL mess unfolding at Tennessee?

That’s got every Red Flag of vicarious living you can think of.

A father turning his son’s talent into a business plan, turning his dream into a leveraged bet, turning what should be a support system into a pressure cooker of expectations, entitlement, and ego.

That’s not parenting - that’s parasitism.

Koda and Ava are not Jackie or I’s second chance at glory…

They’re not our path to fame, and they’re not a financial opportunity. Their wins don’t validate us; their losses don’t humiliate us. We’re proud of them because of who they are, not because of what they achieve.

And if they ever do reach the top, whether that’s a scholarship, a national award, or something entirely different, it will be because they earned it.

Not because I politicked their way into a program or team, and not because Jackie micromanaged their schedule.

While we have coached, driven, fed, bought the equipment, and had all the heavy discussions on and off their competitive fields, we still will neither take any credit for the work they put in, nor will we seek compensation from the financial or attention rewards they receive.

This is their life and accomplishments; it’s their rewards for the taking. We are not going to turn our children’s hobbies into our hustles.

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Parents need to hear this:

You can support your child without smothering their journey.

You can cheer loudly without stepping onto the field.

You can guide without controlling.

Most importantly, you can raise great kids without trying to be the reason they’re great.

Koda and Ava know this: Their mom and dad will always be in the stands, always in their corner, but never in their spotlight, as they earned that for themselves.

- Zac Small