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The Only "Right Way" Is Your Way
Following "expected paths" will never leave you satisfied.
What’s the right way to:
Lead a Marriage?
Live a Fulfilling Life..?
This piece will address the most often asked question I’ve received since I started writing online in 2011, “How do I..?”.
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The Best Path Is The One You Want
In no way do I want to question your intelligence with this piece; still, I have to address a point that appears to be common sense yet, too often, is overlooked. The fact of the matter is, people, miss the answer hiding right in front of their eyes all of the time, and “life decisions” are not an exception to this habit.
It’s not that people are complex creatures too layered and filled with emotions and variables that prevent them from being content with their life; it’s that human beings are exceptional at making simple things complicated.
What do you want in life?
What do you have to do to get that thing?
Go do it.
That right there is the winning plan, end of the article…
(You knew it wasn’t) and that right there is the point of this piece, we could solve all of our issues by making the right choice today and sticking to the plan until goal achievement. The problem is that people rarely do that, with some never committing to a plan to begin with, content to accept mediocrity.
Having a fat bank account isn’t magic; it’s a consistent effort to keep more funds in than going out. Stop wasting money, and you’ll reach that goal.
Sculpting a lean body (abs) is a goal for many, but rarely will anyone commit to tracking calories, macros, or removing the sweet snacks from their daily diet.
Getting your marriage to where the laughter, sex, and enjoyment of one another returns is nothing more than adjusting some of the daily interactions that go on.
It’s not that any one of these is difficult in its own right, but the commitment to sticking to each is how we can see that it’s people’s comfort that’s the path always taken as opposed to their genuine desires.
Your current standard is the one you’re comfortable with; that’s why you’ve gotten stuck there. You value contentment and are happy “enough” with where you’re at, and while you’d like more, there’s no real need to face that stress and discomfort if you don’t absolutely have to. I get it, and this is not a callout but rather a hone-in for you; I want you to hone in on the fact that you may be doing “good enough”, but if you want more, then you have to make sure you accept you can have it at any point, most likely the change will occur when the pain needed for growth is perceived to be less than the pain of remaining the same.
Life is not as complicated as it’s made to be
I understand talking about “Life Goals” comes with a heavyweight idea mentally, but the reality is we’re only talking about what you’re doing regardless of whether or not you discuss it. Life is nothing more than waking up, getting dressed, eating, working, playing with kids, hanging with friends, etc. you do it without thought every single day, going through the motions and getting the results of the habits you’ve formed.
If you were to tweak just the most minor of events in that ongoing loop, you could alter the trajectory of your life (for the better) significantly for the rest of your days. From your finances and sex life to your physical health, it’d bleed into the mental development via removing the shame which comes with wearing shirts to the beach or having to check your accounts before purchasing a gift - all of who you are will improve by simply waking up an hour earlier, tracking macros, ensuring you get active time in, or if you were to take the leap to sobriety what life was like without trying to numb it away.
It sounds like a lot, but I’m not saying your life will improve if you do them all (it will); you can drastically improve your life experience by fixing just one of the things listed or one of your own.
Here’s the deal, some people look at that photo of the word life above, and they think that to improve their life, they have to solve the maze. I look at that photo and think it says “LIFE”. My answer was from an easier question than the task of mapping out the escape.
Your answer to changing your life can be easy too.
Don’t think about having to change everything you do and flip your life on its head to improve things. Do one thing, tell yourself you’ll wake up 30 minutes earlier and make time to ease into the day, stretch, get water into your system, etc.
You’re an adult; you can find a way to wake up 30 minutes earlier. When you do it, you’ll find yourself wanting to do something with that time, and that use of time will lead to less stress, more rest, healthier mornings, or progress on side tasks piling up.
Success begets success, don’t overcomplicate what it is you have to do to start; just begin with the most simple of changes.
Focus on the journey, not the destination.
The process of overhauling your day-to-day requires you to know what the good life looks like. If you don’t know what the end state is, how can you know what needs to change?
Who do you want to be?
Who are you?
How do we get you from this to that?
What about your life don’t you like?
It’s here that you must audit your life and be honest in the process, as you where you’re currently dissatisfied. Know who it is you wish you were, and then you can see which specific metrics are lacking.
Who are you?
Again, you need to be objective in your assessment of yourself. Here, we aren’t looking at where you compare to others but rather what got you to the point you’re at. You need to face your past, traumas, grudges, and issues, then look at what experiences and past burdens you carry with you; it’s here we’ll be able to address the anchors which are holding you down.
How do we get you from this to that?
This is where we focus our efforts on the lefts and rights, not just reaching the destination. We aren’t looking at the exit or center of the labyrinth here; we’re looking around ourselves, learning from the dead ends, and taking each step for what it is, a moment closer or further from our destination.
We’re process-oriented, not product focused; we’re about grinding the beans and making the quality cup-o-joe vs the rapid bland Keurig.
When you think of it, there’s no need to rush through life; the finish line is death - take your time. As you’re taking that time, realize that each day that passes is one less you have to reach the destination you desire. Get started on the process of creating your best self today, and don’t let anyone make you doubt whether the effort is worth it; this is your life - live it.