There’s a moment every father faces with his children as they age, and it may hurt some, which is okay, because it’s pain that comes from love…
What is that moment?
It’s the day you realise your children have stopped running to you.
They’re no longer afraid of the dark, no longer needing to be shielded from the world, and now they’re out there, running on their own.
The kids who used to leap into your arms now walk beside you.
The home that once rattled with chaos is quieter now, still alive, just different.
My son drives himself to school and stores these days, pulling out of the same driveway where the only thing he used to drive down it was our mower.
My daughter’s a teenager now, solving problems before I even notice them, and while the world says this is the stage where fathers grow distant, we’ve done the opposite…
We’ve grown closer.
Not because time slowed down or life got easier, I just chose to grow with them instead of trying to cling to what once was.
That’s what most men get wrong; they treat the silence that follows childhood as loss, when really, it’s a sign to evolve.
I won’t lie, there have been moments where I look at the sand in the hourglass representing time with my kids, and I think:
“Damn, they’re grown; I don’t ever see my brothers or sister, will my kids be that way, because I can’t imagine them apart for more than a sleepover, never mind going years without seeing eachother.”
“They don’t need me to tell them what to do, they now come to me with advice on what they’ve already chosen to do…”
“My son can catch my fastest fastball and hit my best curveball; my daughter doesn’t get surprised by magic tricks or my jokes anymore.”
“I love them so much, but my heart hurts to think of not having them hanging out in the living room and watching an episode of Bob’s Burgers.”
“I don’t want not to have practices or games to go to, I like this life…”
It has really fucked with me, but I’ve found myself in each of those moments and reminded myself that this is precisely what I want; I just don’t always have to feel grateful about it.
They need to grow, and I need to let go.
In a sense, I already have both hands off the wheels of their life. Koda, being 16, has paved the way for Ava to accelerate behind him, where she is treated more like him now than when he was 13.
I don’t control my kids, I don’t threaten my kids, I don’t command my kids, I live with and love my kids, guiding where needed…
It’s a unique chapter of parenting to be in.
The Danger of Staying Frozen in the Glory Days
Too many men get stuck replaying highlight reels that don’t serve them anymore.
They talk about “back when the kids were little…”, or always say, “Remember when you used to..?” like those are the only worthy years to focus on.
They forget that fatherhood was never about staying in one season forever; it’s about adapting through all of them.
Love your baby, lead your child, grow with your teen, and walk beside the adult you watched grow from in a belly, to building a family of their own.
If you refuse to evolve, you become a ghost in your own story, haunting the past instead of living the present.
You were never meant to be Super Dad forever.
You were meant to become the man your grown children can still learn from, even when they don’t need you to tie their shoes or fix their problems.
This Is Not “the End”, It’s “the Evolution”
You’re not done, washed up, or background noise in your family’s life.
This is the second half; the chapter where your strength turns into wisdom, your presence becomes legacy, and (for another post) you and your wife return to how it was before kids were a 24/7 presence.
You don’t have to coach every game, and you don’t have to solve every problem; you have to remain present and someone who adds value to their lives.
Your job has changed form, and this is where you stop doing for them and start building with them.
It’s where you shift from raising them to walking beside them, and continuing to teach through example, not explanation.
The Work Is Different, But It’s Not Over
Maybe some of the games and routines are over; I know for me, this past FoE event was the first where my daughter did not give me a stuffed animal to bring with me, but that’s a minor thing compared to watching her become her own woman and grow up with strength and confidence.
I’ll take the trade-off 10/10.
I still have purpose:
I have my work at Landscaping Unlimited.
I have more time to read and write on this Substack.
While they go out and conquer, I will continue to build my own kingdom.
My wife and I will have more time to do things alone, be it travel around or chill.
The goal was never for us to be needed forever; it was to give so much of ourselves that our children could one day stand tall without leaning on us.
Our children no longer needing us all the time doesn’t mean our story has ended; it means we did our job.
One of my earliest articles on parenting:
2nd Class Children
It was recently announced that a school district in Missouri was re-instating spanking as an acceptable (and legal) punishment for students.
My Challenge to All Parents
Stop mourning what’s changed; you are still here, capable, and called to lead.
Don’t hide behind nostalgia and call it purpose; you don’t get to fade just because the house is quiet.
You gave your family your youth; now give your future your wisdom.
When the driveway is empty, the yard is quiet, and Father’s Day is a phone call instead of a hug…
Don’t retreat, expand.
- Zac Small
More of this, please!