Why Men Are Lost, and What Real Leaders Are Doing About It
How Modern Men Are Reclaiming Masculinity Through Purpose, Discipline, and Service
Modern masculinity is in crisis.
Look around and see it: Men who feel aimless, anxious, and adrift.
Men today are more isolated, less healthy, and more uncertain of their role than ever.
Because of this, I decided to do a deep dive into the subject, hoping that this article can be returned to and referenced during any subscriber’s journey towards improvement.
The piece is long, but worth the time.
Don’t rush through it; understand it as you read on.
A Call to Fathers, Husbands, and Young Men
More than half of young adults say they lack “meaning or purpose” in their lives.
Half the married men and fathers I know have hung up their aspirations for life. Then there’s the fact that one in four children grows up without a father, leaving countless boys without a strong male role model.
It’s no wonder many grown men struggle to find their footing.
Society often tells men that their natural masculine instincts are “toxic,” leaving them confused about how to behave. As Ryan Michler put it, “we’re losing the meaning of manhood” and have gone from “strong, rugged, independent, and tough” to “a collection of wimpy, dependent, whiners.”
Cultural messages shame men for being men, and the result is a generation of lost guys who are depressed, addicted, and lacking purpose. Men are over three times more likely to kill themselves than women…
Something has to change.
Not All is Lost.
To quote my friend Anthony Migliorino, “Good will always win.”
Across the world, leaders are rising and doing something about this aimlessness.
These men refuse to accept the decline of masculinity. They are fathers, husbands, mentors…
Purpose-driven men who reclaim manhood on their terms. They know that true masculinity was never about oppressing others or mindless aggression.
It’s about strength in service to others, leading with love and integrity, and personal excellence in all areas of life.
This article is another rallying cry for men to reclaim their place as leaders in mind, body, spirit, and service to others. Modern men can find their way again by mastering these four key pillars and helping lift others.
Mastering the Mind
The journey back to solid ground starts in your own head.
“Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defences of peace must be constructed'“ - UNESCO Constitution
Men have been fed a steady diet of victimhood and excuses for too long. As boys, teens, and even into adulthood, we’re told our problems are always someone else’s fault or that we’re powerless.
Enough.
Weak men make excuses; strong men take responsibility.
No one is coming to save you, and no one owes you a perfect life. The moment you accept that you are responsible for your outcomes – your success, your failures, your growth – is the moment you gain true power.
You are your problem, you are also your solution.
Fathers and mentors like Harrison Schenck of “Save Your Sons” emphasize that we must instill a mindset of truth and personal responsibility in the next generation, not let them wallow in relativism or victimhood.
That shift starts with each of us deciding to own our lives instead of blaming others or society for the state of it.
A man without a mission is like a ship without a sail – drifting nowhere fast.
Purpose is the antidote to aimlessness.
Real leaders take the time to ask: What am I here to do?
They set goals and pursue a vision, whether providing for their family, building a business, serving their community, or more.
Without a purpose, you become wanderers or zombies in life without direction, going wherever the wind blows.
Calibrate your mind around a mission that gives your life meaning and direction. As the Fraternity of Excellence community teaches, “Excellence is a choice, and it is the only acceptable standard to set for yourself as a man.”
In an age of endless distractions, a man’s ability to focus on setting and attaining that standard and follow through is like a superpower.
Motivation alone isn’t enough; it comes and goes like a breeze.
Discipline is what carries you through when motivation fades. Whether sticking to a workout, grinding on a work project, or having a hard conversation, mental toughness is built by doing what needs to be done, especially when you don’t feel like it.
Every challenge you face is an opportunity to toughen your mind and prove that you can handle more. Remember, adversity doesn’t build character; it reveals it.
When life punches you in the mouth, you find out who you are. Mastering your mind means deliberately training that mental fortitude day in and day out.
Guard the gates of your mind.
In today’s world, that means being selective about what media, ideas, and influences you allow into your head.
Junk food for the mind (mindless social media scrolling, toxic news, endless video games) will dull your edge and sap your confidence.
Limit those empty calories.
Instead, feed your mind with knowledge and positive input: read books, listen to podcasts that inspire and educate, and surround yourself (online and offline) with people who uplift and challenge you.
As the saying goes, “If you’re always the smartest man in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” Seek out mentors and peers who force you to level up. Lifelong learning is a hallmark of every great man.
Mastering the mind is not a one-time feat – it’s a continuous practice of sharpening your sword.
Action Steps for Mastering Your Mind:
Strengthening the Body
Once your mindset is on track, you must also strengthen your body.
Mind and body are deeply connected; weak bodies will drag down even the sharpest minds. Sadly, many modern men neglect their physical health.
Comfortable living, desk jobs, and digital entertainment have left too many guys soft, overweight, and lacking energy. Nearly one in three men in the U.S. is clinically obese, and testosterone levels have seen a “substantial drop” since the 1980s.
You cannot be the leader your family or community needs if you’re constantly tired, sick, or physically incapable. You must reclaim your health and strength to reclaim your place as a man.
Building a strong body isn’t just vanity or “gym bro” stuff; it’s foundational to masculine excellence.
Lifting weights forges mental toughness and self-respect. And let’s face it, being physically strong makes you better prepared to protect those you love.
Whether defending your family from a threat or just carrying your child on your shoulders easily, strength is never a weakness.
When you’re strong and fit, you walk with a different confidence. You feel like a man who can handle things; that aura is palpable to those around you.
Fuel your body like a high-performance machine: Cut out the junk food and excessive sugar, and eat whole foods with plenty of protein, vegetables, and water. If alcohol or drugs are dragging you down, be honest about it.
Treat your body with respect, and it will repay you with vigor.
Real leaders know their bodies must be in fighting shape to serve others best.
Getting in shape can be daunting if you’ve been off the wagon, but start small and be consistent.
A 20-minute walk or a short daily workout will beat a 2-hour gym blast that only happens once a month.
Focus on building habits: A set time each day for exercise, a meal-prepping healthy food routine, and a strict cutoff for late-night screen time so you get to bed on time.
Over time, these small habits snowball into major transformations.
The key is to treat your physical training as non-negotiable – an appointment with yourself that you will not cancel.
Action Steps for Strengthening Your Body:
Grounding the Spirit
A modern man must not neglect his spirit with mind and body in alignment.
In the rush of daily life, it’s easy to overlook the spiritual dimension – your values, beliefs, and connection to something greater than yourself.
But this is often where your character is forged.
Grounding the spirit means planting your feet firmly in principles and practices that keep you humble, grateful, and purposeful. It’s about having a moral compass in a world that often suggests morality is relative.
Without a grounded spirit, even a strong and smart man can veer off course, becoming selfish, hollow, or consumed by chasing pleasure.
We’ve all seen men who seem to have it all externally but feel empty inside. Don’t let that be you; strengthen your soul just as you strengthen your body.
Start by defining your core values.
What do you stand for?
Honor, integrity, courage, faith, loyalty, and love are easy words, but grounding your spirit means truly living by your values even when it’s hard.
If you don’t decide what you believe in and what lines you will not cross, the world's chaos will decide for you. Take some time to reflect on what principles matter most to you, and why…
Those will become your north star in tough times.
When tempted to lie, cheat, or take an unethical shortcut, a man with a grounded spirit remembers his values and holds the line. This builds self-respect and earns the respect of others.
Spiritual discipline is also key.
Just as you train your body, you can train your spirit through regular practices. This could be religious faith, prayer, studying scripture, attending worship services, or secular practices like mindfulness meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature.
The goal is to connect with the deeper currents of life and quiet the noise.
It might be early morning silence before the world wakes up, where you meditate on what you’re grateful for and seek guidance. It might be reading a chapter of an inspiring book or a holy text to center your mind on higher things.
Historically, from soldiers to statesmen, men have leaned on prayer or meditation to ground themselves. These rituals humble you while empowering you with clarity.
Grounding your spirit also involves seeking meaningful connections and perspectives beyond yourself.
Engage in conversations about purpose and philosophy with friends or mentors.
Read biographies of great men you admire, and learn how they found meaning and overcame spiritual challenges.
Consider connecting with a community of like-minded men who value faith or deeper discussions. When you surround yourself with others on a righteous path, it reinforces your own; don’t shy away from the word “spirit” even if you’re not religious, as you have an inner life that craves purpose.
A grounded spirit will keep you steady through life’s storms, because you know who you are and what you believe at the core.
Action Steps for Grounding the Spirit:
Identify Your Core Values: List 4-6 values most important to you (for example: honesty, responsibility, faith, family, excellence, compassion). Write down what each one means in your daily actions. Refer to this list when you face difficult decisions, and use it as a personal code of conduct.
Establish a Daily Spiritual Practice: Carve out at least 10 minutes daily for spiritual discipline. Consistency here centers your soul just like physical exercise centers your body.
Practice Gratitude: An easy spiritual exercise is to practice gratitude daily. Each morning or evening, name three things you’re grateful for. This trains your spirit to look for the good and builds contentment.
Spend Time in Nature or Solitude: Get away from the screens and noise at least once a week. Take a walk in nature, sit quietly in a park, or find a peaceful spot to think. Nature has a way of reminding us of the spiritual side of life and putting our worries in perspective.
Seek Wisdom and Fellowship: Enrich your spirit by learning from sources of wisdom. Talking about purpose, values, and life lessons with other men will challenge you and keep your spirit sharp and grounded.
Leading Through Service
The final pillar, and in my opinion the one most lacking, is the ultimate expression of authentic manhood, which is leading through service.
In a world that glorifies selfish pursuits, choosing to serve others is a revolutionary act of masculinity. It’s time to reclaim the idea that men find purpose and fulfillment in responsibility and sacrifice for those they love.
Fatherhood, mentorship, and community leadership are noble callings, not burdens.
Start at home.
If you’re a husband, father, or even an older brother, your family is your first arena of leadership. Your wife didn’t marry you to be her passive roommate; she chose you because she saw a man she could respect and follow.
This means actively guiding your family toward a better life.
Have a vision for your household, and work with your wife as a team to achieve it. It might be as simple as instituting a weekly family game night or as big as planning the finances and values you want to instill in your children.
Don’t just be physically present at home, be emotionally present and engaged. Put the phone down, get on the floor to play with your kids, and teach them life lessons.
Remember, your kids don’t need a perfect father; they need a present father.
If you don’t lead your family, the harsh reality is that someone (or something) else will.
Leading through service extends beyond your front door; strong men have always contributed to their community and tribe.
That could mean mentoring younger men, volunteering in youth sports or getting involved in church or local charities.
When you lead by serving, you set a powerful example, influencing other men to step up.
Imagine what our neighborhoods would look like if more men coached Little League, started community watch groups, or tutored kids after school. We’d have safer, happier, and more resilient communities – all sparked by men deciding to serve.
If you’re looking for a community of men improving their lives, finances, and health, and doing so with a community that offers the camaraderie many lack, check out the Fraternity of Excellence.
This group has already altered the trajectory of hundreds of lives for the better, and the sooner you get in, the sooner you experience what it has to offer:
Another aspect of leading through service is brotherhood.
Iron sharpens iron.
Men need other men to hold them accountable and to push them higher. Don’t be a lone wolf; even the strongest lone wolf can face many problems.
When you create a circle of trusted men, you have a support system where everyone leads and serves. You can encourage each other to be better fathers, husbands, and citizens. You can also serve your community through projects or causes you care about. Brotherhood and service go hand-in-hand as a unified team, men can accomplish tremendous good.
Service is the antidote to the hollow, narcissistic lifestyle that pop culture sells.
When you devote yourself to a cause greater than your own pleasure, whether that cause is your family, faith, country, or community, you unlock a deeper satisfaction that no amount of money or leisure could ever match.
Your legacy won’t be how fancy your car was or how many video games you conquered; it will be the lives you touched.
The greatest legacy you can leave isn’t money – it’s impact.
By leading through service, you ensure that your life will have mattered, and that you’ll leave those around you better than you found them.
Action Steps for Leading Through Service:
Prioritize Family Time and Traditions: Schedule dedicated time each week for your family. It could be a Sunday dinner, a Saturday outing with your kids, or a nightly storytime before bed. Establish family rituals (like yearly camping trips or regular one-on-one outings with each child) that strengthen bonds.
Take Initiative at Home: Don’t wait for your wife or others to handle everything. Look for needs and step up – whether it’s fixing that broken fence, helping kids with homework, or planning a budget.
Mentor Someone Younger: Identify a young man or boy in your extended family or community who could use a positive male role model. Offer to spend time together – it could be as informal as tossing a football around, or more structured like teaching him a skill you know.
Get Involved in Your Community: Find a cause or local group that resonates with you and commit a few hours a month.
Build Brotherhood: Proactively cultivate friendships with other men striving to improve. A true leader also knows how to be a good brother-in-arms.
A Call to Action
Modern men, this is your wake-up call.
The confusion and aimlessness plaguing many of us does not have to continue.
This isn’t self-help fluff or theoretical talk; it’s actionable and real.
I’ve given you the blueprint that the best leaders and mentors use to transform their lives.
Embrace discipline, seek purpose, serve others, and refuse to be a victim.
The road won’t be easy – nothing worthwhile ever is. You will face resistance from within (laziness, fear) and from a culture that prefers passive, compliant men.
Ignore the naysayers and push on.
Every step you take to improve yourself, no matter how small, is a step toward reclaiming masculinity in its truest sense.
Remember that you are not alone on this journey; We are building a community of men committed to personal excellence and living with purpose.
Becoming a better man is contagious
When you level up, you inspire your brothers to level up too, and you become a role model for the next generation.
This is how we change the culture and reclaim what it means to be a man: one man at a time choosing to do better, live higher, and lead with honor.
So consider this an invitation and a challenge.
No more waiting.
No more drifting.
The time to act is now.
Take one idea from this article – just one – and put it into practice today.
Maybe you’ll drop and do 20 push-ups, have that honest conversation with your wife, sign up for that evening class, or turn off the TV and read to your kid.
Do it.
Then do it again tomorrow.
Day by day, brick by brick, you’ll build a foundation of strength, integrity, and purpose. And when other men see that foundation, it will spark something in them, too. This is how real change spreads.
This is what real leaders are doing about the crisis: They’re handling their business and then reaching out a hand to help other men rise as well.
Ultimately, “deeds, not words,” will define your legacy.
You’ve read the words; now you must take action.
The world needs good men to stand up.
Your family needs you.
You need to become the man you can admire in the mirror.
It won’t happen overnight, but if you stay the course, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re no longer lost. You know exactly who you are, what you stand for, and where you go.
That feeling is worth every ounce of effort.
The Daily Draft Newsletter is here to walk this path with you, the community of subscribers are here for men relentlessly pursuing higher living standards.
We’re in this fight, pushing each other to improve in mind, body, spirit, and offer a service to the world.
It’s time to reclaim modern masculinity and become the leaders we were born to be.
- Zachary Small