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I've Quit Exactly Once in My Life

I don't normally give up...

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Zac Small
Nov 25, 2022
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I watched this video 10x+; it was on repeat, and I kept listening, and listening, and listening…

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A post shared by Sobriety Motivation (@sobrietymotivation)

Every time I heard Steve-O make the point, I had to hear it again. It was as if I heard and was on the cusp of understanding, but I had to hear it again; It’s hard to capture what was happening, but it was like I understood myself for the first time.

It was a feeling of; I fucking get it; I finally understand what they mean…

I’m over two years sober, and for the first time on this journey, I understood why sobriety stuck this time when, on so many other attempts, it didn’t, or I refused even to attempt it with earnest effort.

I gave up - I fucking quit like a goddamn loser, but I didn’t lose because winning in the game of addiction means letting go of your actual (sober) self forever.

I didn’t know what was happening and wouldn’t understand until two years later that on July 7th, 2020, at 33 years old, I’d accepted that I couldn’t win…

I remember looking at the glass thinking, “I can’t keep doing this; it’s going to kill me” and what I was saying was, “I quit, alcohol; you win booze; I give up, and I am 100% bowing out of the fight for control and moderation - I lose, liquor wins, I’m withdrawing from the arena, I’m not fighting anymore…” and that was the most significant win of my life.

I walked off the mental battlefield.

I’d been in more battles with alcohol than most, and I was winning in the grand scheme, but I knew the end of this streak was fast approaching; I’d walked the razor’s edge more than a healthy number of times, and so I decided to leave with my dignity, self-respect, family, and health intact.

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I quit the fight and have never felt more proud or accomplished since.

When Steve-O said, “Recovery starts with an admission of complete defeat”, it triggered something inside of me-

I’m Zachary Fucking Small; I don’t fucking quit - fuck you, Steve…

But his words kept echoing as I listened to the clip 3, 4, and 5 more times.

I was defeated and gave up trying to prove I wasn’t.

Maybe it’s a new phase of mental clarity, or maybe it’s the closing in on wrapping up this year and commencing 2023, but my mind is analyzing how I became who I am and what I need to do to become the person I want to be.

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Zac Small @ZacSmall_
Heading into 2023 with a Sober Squad looking to never give another minute of their day away to alcohol. The Sober Self Group is ending 2022 strong and many are looking to make 2023 their 1st calendar year sober in decades. Join Us: zsmall.gumroad.com/l/kBZsk (THANKFUL = 50% Off)
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1:54 PM ∙ Nov 25, 2022

I lost the fight against moderating drinks and the incorporation of alcohol in my life, I gave up, straight up throwing in the towel, and that’s okay.

It took coming across a random message from Steve-O on IG for me to realize I got my ass kicked trying to make it work, and then I gave up; I surrendered and accepted my fate, which when it comes to sobriety is freedom, recovery, and actualizing my greatest self ever to exist.

I’m Zachary Fucking Small, and I quit once; it was the greatest decision ever.

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By Zac Small · Launched 3 years ago
Your no-BS guide for purposeful living. Each issue delivers actionable insights, personal growth strategies, and straight talk on mindset, leadership, and accountability—helping you build a life that’s driven by clear goals and daily discipline.
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