Knock Off the Adult Temper Tantrums
It wasn't cute as a kid, it's uglier now that you're grown.
(This is article 2/10 in the drafts I am clearing out)
There are adults who judge other parents and call children out for having temper tantrums that haven’t outgrown the immature method of expressing one’s slighted feelings themselves.
From my experience, adults are not immune to these outbursts of emotion, and there are grown men and women who claim to be "masters of their lives" who are slaves to their feelings.
What Are Temper Tantrums?
The “Official Definition” from a quick Google Search says, “A temper tantrum is an outburst of anger or frustration children have that can be physical, verbal, or both. They are a normal part of childhood development and can happen for many reasons, such as:
Not being able to express their feelings or wants
Not understanding what they are being asked to do
Feeling stressed at home
Being hungry, tired, or sick
Being in a transition
Trying to get attention
Having something taken away
Adult temper tantrums happen for the same reasons, except the energy is more intense, and the damage done to personal and professional relationships can leave lasting negative effects.
How do we manage these emotional moments?
To start the discussion on how we can not “blow up”, we must recognize a key point in the healing process: acceptance.
You must accept that you’re using your yelling, screaming, stamping of feet, taking of things from others, and hyper-aggressiveness to get what you want, and it’s not fair to anyone around you to have to deal with this.
You’re better than that; as I type it, I realize you may not be better than that, but I wish you were, and I promise you that your life will be better if you choose to stop trying to overpower your way to getting what you want by making the lives of others miserable.
It is crucial to identify the triggers and signs of adult temper tantrums.
These outbursts often result from unmet needs, overwhelming emotions, or past traumas triggered by specific situations or events.
This can be anything from feeling ignored or dismissed to being in a high-stress environment and facing a personal challenge. Recognizing these triggers and signs is essential to understand our emotions better and respond appropriately.
If you know that you get upset when you can’t have the food you want or that your children are “on your last nerve”, then you must have a game plan ready to deploy when those situations arise. Solve your problems by planning your responses before they’re overblown reactions.
There are times when I will tell my wife and kids, “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now; I need a minute to myself.” once they realized I was serious and that taking that time to myself made for me being better person following it, they do not question when I tell them how I feel.
This is a major issue with many; people do not know how to express their negative emotions or need for solitude in a healthy way, if at all. People either take the energy from others at their own expense or build up the pressure until they burst because they can’t “keep it together” for the sake of others.
You are valuable; you matter, and you can tell others to back up when you need space.
You are not a bad person for prioritizing yourself.
Check this piece for more of a discussion on the power of prioritizing alone time:
How do you calm down?
Practicing mindfulness is one of the most effective strategies for de-escalating tense situations with patience.
Mindfulness helps us to be more present in the moment and regulate our emotions rather than being controlled by them. It allows us to take a step back and observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment and, in turn, choose a calmer and more rational response. Mindfulness also helps us to recognize our triggers and take conscious steps to manage them.
Mindfulness is a word I use for others, as it has some mainstream understanding; what I do in situations is focus on presence, “What do I feel, what is causing it, am I justified, are they being intentional, what do I need, how can I get it?” and then I breathe.
In challenging moments, it is essential to remember that everyone experiences emotions, a natural part of being human.
It is okay to feel angry, frustrated, or upset, but it is not OK to harm others or damage relationships. By valuing patience and self-awareness, we can handle these moments with grace and composure, keeping our relationships intact and finding constructive solutions.
This is a critical topic as we head into the political season; do not lose yourself or allow your frustrations to cause you harm because of something that, while it may matter on the global scale, has little impact on your local network. Your circle matters; keeping it together with your people is worth more than what the mainstream media tells you to lose your mind over.
Managing adult temper tantrums requires patience, self-awareness, and effective communication. By identifying triggers, practicing mindfulness, and improving emotional intelligence, you can better regulate emotions and respond calmly in tense situations.
It is also essential to remember that our emotions are valid, and by acknowledging and communicating them effectively, we can navigate challenging moments without causing harm. With patience and emotional maturity, you can promote healthier and more fulfilling relationships in your personal and professional lives.
Stop flipping out; you’re an adult.
- Zac Small
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